I have something I like to call Racing Brain Disorder (RBD). You won’t find it in any medical book or on Google. But it really does exist. Trust me. I know from personal experience.
I’ll use last Tuesday as an example of how RBD works. Tuesday morning I go to Step Class. I try and eat a little protein before I go so that I have enough energy to actually do the moves required in class. The problem is I can’t eat too close to class time or I want to throw up right in the middle of “party step”.
My plan was to head to the kitchen and have some almond butter and banana on toast. But before I could put that plan into action another thought went racing through my brain. I needed to change sheets and since I was, after all, in the bedroom and the laundry room is between the bedroom and the kitchen it only made sense to strip the bed and throw the sheets in the wash on my way to making breakfast.
As I went to put the load into the washer, I discovered there was a very small load of wash in the machine that had never been run because apparently my RBD had sidetracked me from my plan a couple of days before to find a few more items to add to the load in order to make it worth the energy to run the machine.
Now, I had a decision to make. Do I go back into the bedroom, get the laundry basket, sort all the wash, adding more to the load that is already in the washing machine, or take that partial load out and wash the sheets? I opt for sorting the wash.
As I go back into the bedroom I look at the clock and realize that if I don’t eat NOW I won’t get to eat until after class because of the stomach issue mentioned earlier. So I grab the laundry basket, drop it off in the laundry room and move on to make breakfast.
I put the bread in the toaster and turn to get the almond butter and banana, telling myself to stay focused. But my mind doesn’t listen and lands instead on the fact that the dishwasher needs to be unloaded. Because of my RBD I am convinced that I can empty the entire dishwasher in the five seconds left before the toast pops up and still have time to grab the almond butter and banana. (Delusions of being Wonder Woman is a part of having RBD.) But before I can get even the top unloaded the toast pops up.
I grab the toast, put on the almond butter and banana and head back towards the dishwasher, but am distracted by a coupon on the counter, which I pick up and put in my purse. And on and on it went. The bottom line is that by the time I left for Step Class I had a bed with the bottom sheet on it and everything else piled in the middle of the floor. There was half sorted wash all over the laundry room, a half emptied dishwasher, a partially eaten piece of toast that got thrown in the trash as I was leaving and a sense of NOTHING accomplished.
It seems like no matter how hard I try, my brain is always running. Always looking for new things that need to be done or thought through. This is especially true first thing in the morning and at bedtime. Crawling into bed seems to be a trigger for my brain to go into over-drive. Ideas for my blog, things I want to get done during the week, people I need to contact, and books I want to read flood my brain. I analyze problems and issues to death and then dig them up again to do an autopsy in case I missed anything in my original analysis.
The real issue with RBD is not that my mind has difficulty in staying focused. The real issue is that I feel that if I try hard enough I can do anything. I can solve every problem. Make everything perfect. Which basically boils down to: if I try hard enough I can be God. But I can’t.
My name is not listed in the Trinity. I don’t have all wisdom and power and authority. But through prayer, I have access to the One who does.
A year and a half ago I memorized a verse. “Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act.” Psalm 37:7 (NIV) While it’s hard for me to do that, being still before the Lord and trusting Him is the only known cure for RBD. And believe me. I want to be cured!